And back to normal...

My morning continued quite dismally with foul weather to match my mood. I managed to break my beautiful pink cell phone (or so I thought- until I went and bought a new one, upon which Mr. Motorola decided the display screen would come back to life again.)

But now that 24 hours have passed since my last post it seems a little dramatic, but it was certainly how I was feeling at the time. I was very upset- not just because I lost the place but because it was feeling like nothing was going to work out here. It still may not. Time will tell. But that is no reason to give up now. Last night I changed my email tag line to "Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day that says ' I will try again tomorrow.' As I will...

A quote that came to mind was from CS Lewis:
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

I know deep down he is absolutely right. It may be safer to live an average life without the highs and lows, but I don't want to do it....

An up, and a down...

I've been a little silent on matters personal, but I can't keep silent tonight. I've been looking quietly for a new flat for several months. Our landlord had announced my current one is going up for sale. I finally found one that my heart wanted very bad. It truly was my dream apartment, and everything else fit in too- it was furnished helping with that problem- it was within my price range= and the timing worked quite good with leaving this one so I wouldn't have stuffed up my flatmate either. After no word for several days and me believing it went elsewhere I got an email that it was mine. That was Wednesday. I wanted to blog about it, because I was so pleased and excited, but part of me feared it was too good to be true. It was. Tonight I got an email that there was a mistake. It was given away by her partner while she was away Thursday or today to someone else even thought she'd already told me it was mine. It sounds like a silly thing to be upset about, but you see it goes a little deeper than that. When I left Canada to NZ I told myself that I had until I was 30 to figure things out. (You know- the big picture questions that you're supposed to be able to answer about life- where you want to live, what you want to do, children, that sort of thing.) Nelson is a place that felt like home. Regina didn't - enough that I lived there for 10 years I didn't aquire furniture- somewhere deep inside myself I knew I wasn't ready to stay. Just a week shy of my 30th birthday I found a place I would have delighted to call home- a place I had allowed my heart to love even before I lived there. And it was not be.

I have a real habit of not letting things get to me, because when I do- I care- a lot. And when you care there is the very great possible burden of losing it. I think that since I've been back in Nelson I've distanced myself quite a bit from my friends here. I loved it here first time around and when I realized I wouldn't find a job and had to move to Blenheim - I was very sad. I'm working a contract job again. The potential I'll have to say farewell again is very real. And so more often that I should, I just don't let myself care. Academically I have to say I'm pleased with myself for trying to get that apartment. I'm pleased I didn't yell at the woman who said yes and then no. But tonight, I'm so very disappointed.

As Christmas nears...

I have once again been a terrible blogger. :) Too busy Christmas carding- or something. .. If you haven't gotten one and you're overseas, I'm sorry. Send me your address and I'll send you a postcard instead. If you're in NZ, I haven't yet gotten to these. Soon!

It's funny - I had recently blogged about how quickly the Labour party appointed their new leader and commented things move more slowly in Canada. Not necessarily- apparently.

One of my favourite things about Christmas- getting Christmas cards. I've received a couple from Canada and one through work. It's funny how much getting a Christmas card can brighten ones day.

Interesting kiwi traditions-

1) The chocolate fish. Being a non kiwi it's hard to define what exactly qualifies someone to be given this, but it's a "thank you", sometimes for going "above and beyond" the call of duty.

2) Christmas crackers . Wikipedia tells me these are a big tradition in Canada- but I haven't experienced them there like I have here. We had a work Christmas dinner the other day- and my Christmas crackers contained a top- and a terrible joke. Or at least others thought it was terrible. I'm so fond of dry humour I quite enjoyed it. It was something like "What kind of party does a snowman enjoy?" Answer- a snowball. This kind of reminds me of the jokes on the back of the kids activity chart when we went to the Cobb & Co for a friends birthday a few weeks ago. "What's brown and sticky?" - Answer- a stick. I LOVE that one... I also wore (for a few minutes at least) the purple crown that was in the crackers.

I spent a weekend a couple back in my FAVOURITE backpackers- in Picton. I spotted it when I lived in Blenheim and I couldn't justify staying there when I lived less than 20 minutes away. Now that I'm in Nelson it was finally justifiable to pay to stay there. Check it out... Nice, hey.

A Canadian political commentary

I am sitting in my lounge in Nelson, NZ reading about the political happenings in Canada. In the US you can get lame duck presidencies with a president in power without support of of the House or the Senate, unable to act. In NZ proportional representation means that the minor parties can wield far too much power for their level of popular support... They get ministerial roles because their support means that the larger party can stay in power. (For the record, living here hasn't made me a big fan of proportional rep.) It sounds like similiar things are happening in Canada without MMP. In Canada you can have a Liberal leader who has lost an election only weeks ago - seeing and grabbing for power- despite the fact he isn't even popular enough to lead his own party. I've found irony in Canadian politics before - such as how the BQ were 'her majesty's loyal opposition'. I'm curious to see how the public responds and how this proceeds. I can't imagine that a man who can't keep his party together can manage to keep a 3 headed monster with very different goals together- in difficult economic times. Difficult times call for a government that can act. I can't see how this one could, if this proceeds.

"Accountability of public servants to government, of government to Parliament, and of Parliament to taxpayers can be achieved only if the MPs of all parties support these goals. Parliamentarians must never lose sight of the fact that in a democracy, accountability is the price exacted for the gift of power." - James J. MacDonnell - former Auditor General of Canada

I think some MPs have forgotten. May they soon remember. And if they do not, may the people of Canada not forget.