A very sad day- RIP Allie

Allie (Sept 3,2009-Mar 29,2012)

It's been a long while since I posted. But today I have a heavy heart, and need to express it- so here goes.

I grew up on a farm and have always been an animal lover. On the farm I had cats like Tigger and Puff to dogs like Lassie and Lady, to cows like Dusty and Columbi, to rabbits like Easter and Brownie, and horses like Apache and Star to express that interest and passion upon. When I was 17 and trying to decide the direction of my life I agonised over the decision of whether or not to go be a vet. Until then, this had been my long time expectation. Ultimately, in what was for me a moment of unusual clarity, I decided it was wrong for me for a number of reasons, but promised myself I would own animals instead.

When I moved to Regina for University for so long I lived without animals until finally I moved into a flat with people that had a cat. I was in Regina for 10 years, but never long enough to make the commitment that owning a pet myself entails. When it came time for me to move on from KPMG and learn more about the world, I chose NZ due to it's "not too hot, not too cold" climate, and because I understood it was a pretty laid back place to be. But 10 years on, I still hadn't kept my promise to myself.

After 2 1/2 years in NZ, I had managed to shut off a part of my practical nature that tends to make most of my decisions and allow a bit of my heart to decide. I finally decided I was settled enough to remember my promise to myself and get myself some animals. My heart settled on the ragdoll cat- which I had seen at a recent catshow I visited in Wellington. That was the one and only time I'd seen them, but they were just what I wanted. After research and much waiting, my beautiful little girl Allie arrived via an Air New Zealand flight and my darling boy Jasper arrived about 6 weeks later.

Life changed for the better in those moments. There were many annoyingly challenging kitten moments such as Jasper's SLOWNESS to learn the litter box and their affinity for playing with the venetian blinds in my first house. But there were so many good moments to make up for it. There was little Allie jumping off the bed to use the litter box in the wee hours of the morning the first night I had her and then wanting back up but being unable to get up herself. I remember as kittens how they used to watch me in the flowerbed out the window and meow at me, and how scared of the pumpkin plant I was growing that they wouldn't cross it. There were many moments of playing with Allie after we discovered her favourite toy was a simple string. I loved how she would drop her toys (e.g. octopus and mouse, and later string) in or near her food bowl and pretend she was eating them. This summer, as a 2 year old her focus changed and she really wanted to be a big hunter. She caught and released her first 2 birds this summer. I was so proud of her... Particularly the one not long ago where I was home sick from work and the bird flew right into the house and she was on it. Despite her timid nature- she would occasionally show that she had the heart of wild creature.

Then the night before last she wasn't home when I got home from work. A flyer drop yesterday brought initial hope, as someone had spotted her, but the second phone call was the heart breaking one. She had been hit by a car. She was found by an animal lover a block over from me- and he buried her next to his dog who only died last week as well.

I can ask the why questions... Why: how? She was a timid cat. Not one to venture far from me if I was around. Not one to venture far from the back yard- and certainly not on her own without her braver brother or people around. If you would take her out for a walk she wouldn't go far from you, would always keep you within about 5 m of you. What could have caused her to go so far away and on her own? This behaviour was so completely unlike her. I can only imagine that perhaps she saw a bird, and she let the wild creature in her take over and follow it further from home than normal, until she got lost. I could have never anticipated that she would get so far away from her quiet street so far from busy roads and find the danger that she found. The world is not a safe place and every living moment bears a risk.

I can't begin to express my grief in this moment. She was not only a pet; she was a part of my family. Since I got her there wasn't a night where she didn't sleep with me on my bed if I was home. I'll miss her snuggles, her constant demand for grooming and string playing, and how she would kick kick kick with her back legs when she was playing as we did every morning before I left for work. Animals are loyal. I only hope that I can be as loyal to those important in my life as she was to me.

I wish I could explain to her brother Jasper that she is gone and won't be coming back. He will have the real adjustment and he just doesn't understand.

I will always be an animal lover and will never regret letting these wonderful creatures into my life.

Irving Townsend said :

“We who choose to surround ourselves
with lives even more temporary than our
own, live within a fragile circle;
easily and often breached.
Unable to accept its awful gaps,
we would still live no other way."

And CS Lewis said

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."

My animals certainly have had my heart and will continue to do so. There are many more who do not have people to love them and to love. If you've read this and related and it has touched your heart, in memory of Allie make a donation to your local animal shelter. And for those of you with pets (or any of your loved ones for that matter), live each day as if it was their last. Thursday was just another day when I went to work, but when I returned, things were different.

My final plea in memory of Allie is to let those desires of your heart be expressed: be the real you. Follow through with those promises you have made to yourself. Allie had a short life, but she enrichened my life. RIP Allie girl. You are already so missed.